


Intrusive

by orphan_account



Category: Dangan Ronpa, Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, M/M, Pre dr3:hope, Pre-Relationship, Suicide, post sdr2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-12 00:29:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9048005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Komaeda's last moments in the simulation, waking up from NWP, and dealing with their feelings for Hinata (in a very shitty, indirect, and down right confusing manner).Written for tumblr user relenita for the komahina exchange.





	

Killing yourself was supposed to be some sort of equalizer. Your final act that would eradicate every SHSL Despair you possibly could given your current situation, but even while in the midst of planning you knew your actions wouldn’t be enough. At this point there was nothing that you could do that would be enough to balance out the despair you had caused the world, nor would it be enough to fulfill your selfish, personal goal to create the biggest hope, but it would be better than nothing. _However your own value remains no better than nothing._

_This was the absolute minimum you could do, after all the crimes you’ve committed and despair you had plagued the world with, nothing you could do would ever justify the pitiful thing you called your existence, nothing you could ever do would give you worth._

In the last night before you carried out the act you had talked it over for hours with yourself while you prepared the poison. The one in six chance of the traitor being the one who picks the correct fire extinguisher didn’t frighten you anymore than the gun with five out of its six bullets in place that you pressed so eagerly to your head just days before. The disdain you now felt, that you were completely ready to die for the SHSL Despairs… it was a disgusting action made by a disgusting person. _You deserved to die then, not anymore than you do now._ Leaving the poisoned fire extinguisher among the real ones, comfort had washed over you at the thought of dying for the right person this time around.

Sometime after midnight, you had returned to your cottage. The others could have seen you walking from your compound, but to your knowledge no one had traced you back to the warehouse. Even if someone had followed you, no one would be able to tell the poisonous fire extinguisher from the regular ones and nothing else was set up. The remaining preparations would be done in a very time sensitive manner mere minutes before your demise.

A sleepless night had led to the extensive planning that would be executed in your “murder.” At first you had wanted your death to be presented and undeniably recognizable as a murder, one where your killer had brutally tortured you. The distrust and agony between the SHSL Despairs during the class trial that would occur when they would be unable to pinpoint a culprit would be delicious. They would eventually reach an incorrect conclusion and they would all be executed. Of course there was the possibility of them picking the traitor, but it was just a one in six chance.

One in six was nothing compared to your luck, and although you were well aware of that fact, the thought remained in your mind. Would the pain you put yourself through before hand warrant such a perfect outcome? What about the distance you’ve been putting between yourself and Hinata? It hurt calling him names and comparing him to yourself, but the act you’ve put on over the last few days provided you with the misfortune that you needed in order to be fortunate enough for your death to be successful. _And you had managed to destroy any positive feelings he had towards you. He finally rightfully hated you for the disgusting person you are._ Although, the fact that you were fortunate enough that no one called your bluff, that no one realized the contradiction between the Reverse Course’s mass suicide and Hinata still being very alive, would also be in play… Your luck was a hard thing to understand, and even harder to control but it was all you had. _It’s cruel cycle was all you deserved._

Despite knowing Hinata was part of the Reserve Course, and as an extension, completely talentless, hadn’t made sense. Hinata was obviously not included in the mass suicide, which you could only conclude that he was not longer part of the Reserve Course. _Not to mention that you knew when someone was better than you, and Hinata was leagues ahead of anything you could ever imagine for yourself._ The file had only provided enrolment information for the 1st year after all, and it would not surprise you if Hope’s Peak had transferred Hinata to the Main Course in his 2nd and 3rd year. It would not even be a surprise if he had rightfully earned the title of SHSL Hope. _A speculation that was nothing but a hopeful wish for someone who didn’t deserve to have wishes._

The idea of showing your death to be suicide was a thought you had from the beginning. _Suicide was often your go to thing. It had failed you so many times previously, but soon you’d feel its embrace._ The fact that there were certain elements that you would be unable to control after you passed was reason enough to leave the file you had obtained from the final dead room in the open. You weren’t too concerned with you classmates finding out they were SHSL Despairs, if anything it would add more disarray and confusion. What you wanted them to realize was that you had recently found out you were also a SHSL Despair. Given how you had wanted nothing but to bring hope, you committing suicide after discovering you actually worked against all you believed in and held dear would be an easy conclusion to make. _It was the admittedly correct conclusion. This, by all definitions save for the rules of Monokuma’s trial, is a suicide._ They would vote you as the culprit and all but the traitor would suffer. This of course didn’t mean you would save yourself from any part of the coming torture.

However the sense of hopelessness they would feel when their confident verdict would fail didn’t seem enough pain for the SHSL Despairs. The plastic covering to the fire extinguisher and poison bottle that you had planned to dispose of would work to your advantage here. They would realize that one of them had indeed killed you, and that there would be no way to prove who it was. The plan relied on the traitor recognizing that they were the murderer, less they would be in as much distress as the Despairs, but even if they didn’t it was a sacrifice you were willing to take. _Someone as terrible as yourself would allow others to suffer for your own benefit. Disgusting._

Just before Monokuma’s morning announcement your mind was still focused on your plan, or rather its obvious flaws. _It was your plan after all, it was bound to be terrible._ Although the execution of your death should go off without a single hitch, the meaning of your death would never be what you had hoped for. Killing all your classmates, all the SHSL Despairs would not cause an ultimate hope. The single thing you had devoted your life to would never be born. No, the ultimate hope would never born from you. Hope would be born and flourish regardless, but you had hoped it would have been because of you. _A selfish, selfish thought._ It was one of the few indulgences you have ever allowed yourself to have.

While you had been torturing yourself you had made a slash dedicated to the idea that someone as worthless as you would even think of they could create hope. _Disgusting, disgusting, disgusting._ Looking back, the notion was almost as toxic as the purple chemicals that had invaded your air space. As the poison destroyed the few functional braincells that remained untouched from your dementia, time seemed to slow.

Instead of your pitiful life flashing before your eyes, your final thoughts wandered to who the one directly responsible for your death. The one the others believed to be a treacherous traitor, but instead would be your final saviour. Hinata is first in your mind and you curse your consciousness for indulging itself in his precious memory instead of focusing. _You didn’t deserve to feel the pleasure he gave you. You didn’t deserve it and no amount of torture would ever give you the right._

It was true that with his known Reserve Course status, a likely conclusion from the others was that he was the traitor, and the thought warmed your heart but you knew this wasn’t the case. You had been the one to tell the others that Hinata was in the Reserve Course, but you kept the theory of him being admitted into the Main Course to yourself. _What a mistake you were, you didn’t have the right to keep information like that from your superior peers, especially not for something as pitiful as needing to feel the pain from ruin your friendship with Hinata to feel the pleasure of death._ In fact Hinata was the only one you could completely rule out to being the traitor. During the time on the island your classmates had never shown any signs that gave even the smallest inkling that any of them were SHSL Despairs, and they only demonstrated hope and the potential for hope.

After years of devoting your life to hope you had been able to acutely pick up on what could bring about hope and Hinata had the strongest aura, the greatest capability of producing hope compared to any of the titled Ultimates. At this point your theory of him being a SHSL Hope, a leader for all the Ultimates made the most sense. However, this also means he was just as corrupted, if not more corrupted as a SHSL Despair. You had no proof, but you just knew it was your fault. _Only someone as useless and broken as yourself could cause the hope to become lost from your perfect classmates’ hearts._

As the grip of your left hand loosens, the last thing you see is Hinata’s face (albeit just in memory) and the last thing you feel is a sharp pain in your chest.

* * *

 

Oddly enough, this is completely identical to what you experience when you awaken.

Hinata’s hands, are pressing into you chest rhythmically as his looks at you with a panicked expression. _You’ve done something wrong and caused him misfortune._ One of his eyes is red, and you think you can recall another time when all you could see was his face (this time with two red eyes) and felt a pain in your chest, but the memory is distorted and fuzzy and it’s impossible to tell if that was real or something fabricated by your ill brain.

Hinata moves his eyes from yours to look over his shoulder. He shouts something you don’t hear and another figure walks over holding an odd looking box. Hinata pushes into your chest a final time before adjusting your head and bringing his mouth to yours.

You never had planned on getting the privilege of having your mouth on Hinata’s, let alone have him being the one to initiate the action, but as he puffs air from his own into yours you recognize the reality of the situation. _Of course he would never lower himself to kiss you, what were you thinking?_ You’re not breathing. He’s giving you CPR. Why aren’t you breathing? The fact that you’re alive is a later thought. Why and how you’re alive are later questions that you don’t have the answer for. What you do know is that Hinata is trying to keep you alive, and the questions that arise from that are perhaps the most inexplainable. _You’ve manipulated him into caring for you. You made him believe you have worth and that you deserve to be saved._

As Hinata moves back to chest compressions you will your lungs to work on their own. _You can’t have Hinata putting in all this effort over someone like you._ They weakly fill up with air and you can see Hinata relax as he feels your chest moving independently from the compressions. He says something to the person in the background before retuning his focus to you.

His left hand goes to your right and the sensation of touch extends from just your chest and head down the length of your arm. You become aware of the IV in the back of your hand and the pulse checker on your middle finger. Health has never been a friend of yours, but the dark purple veins through near-translucent skin that you can see have never been more prominent. Your bones jut out at your wrist and knuckles, as if there isn’t enough of your sickly grey skin to cover it all. _An appearance akin with a corpse for someone who deserves to be one._ You strain your fingers in an attempt to move your hand out of Hinata’s obviously misplaced grasp, but your joints move minimally, barely responding, and if anything the action might be mistaken as you trying to hold Hinata’s hand tighter. _Of course you’re not capable of doing anything right._

Your legs and left arm are still numb. A memory, not unlike your previous thought of a completely red-eyed Hinata reaches you. Your neck isn’t as difficult to move, most likely due to Hinata moving it around previously, and you look to your left expecting the worse. _You deserved the worse._ There is no forearm or hand, yours or anyone else’s, but scars and stitches cover the end of your elbow. One set of stitches haphazardly forms an uneven line that, if you are remembering correctly, goes around the circumference of you arm. The surrounding skin is scarred and the wounds look old. The other set of stitches is neat, definitely done by a professional, or at least done by someone who hadn’t shared a similar mental state as you did when you made the first set of stitches. _No one shares a similar mental state to someone as broken as you._ The skin around these stitches is red, as if it’s irritated but feeling still hasn’t returned in your left arm so you don’t feel anything.

In general, you really don’t feel anything. It isn’t as if there was a true absent of physical, emotional or mental pain, but you’re just not sure of what to feel. Or do or say or think for that matter. _You didn’t deserve to feel saved and feeling pain would discredit what Hinata was doing for you._ Your mind feels as if it’s in shatters. Difficulty with trying to recall what had happened in the past and processing what was actually going on in the present came with your dementia, but to your knowledge, it had never previously been this bad. _Maybe you got lucky and it had finally took over your brain._ You couldn’t register anything beyond your immediate surroundings, and even understanding what that entailed was impossible. A green hospital bed that had a glass railing around the edges, with points that appeared to be where something, a lid perhaps, could attach. More wires than you could count were flowing in, out, over, and through your body, but you could only register the feeling of the few you could see on your right hand.

Is this real? Is this a dream? Why are you here? Did your plan fail? Did this have to do with why you had amnesia on the island? Were you ever on the island? Why doesn’t your left arm have knife wounds? Why is Hinata comforting you? The Hinata you remembered had two hazel eyes, was this the real Hinata? Did you previously know the real Hinata? _The only answer that was clear was that you deserved this confusion._

“Hey,” Hinata pulls you out of your thoughts, his right hand cupping your cheek. Combined with the look he’s giving you, it’s a pretty intimate action. _One you don’t deserve and will never deserve, from him or anyone else._ If you could process what’s going on and your body could spare the blood, you imagine you would be blushing hard at the situation. As it is, his actions only stops your train of endless thoughts.

“Komaeda,” he start only by saying your name, but doesn’t stop looking into your eyes. In one of the first conversations shared between the two of you, if it had actually happened, you proposed the idea of him being a SHSL Therapist, or a more abstract SHSL Comfort. Someone you could reside in, find true serenity in. _At the time you had selfishly allowed yourself to take this from him._ He was simply confused and rejected your suggestions, but in this moment you feel the same calming presence you had felt then. You’re more reluctant, but can’t help yourself from taking in his comfort. When he smiles and tells you that it’s going to be okay, it’s much easier to believe than any therapist or doctor who had previously told you the exact same thing. His tone is genuine, yet affirmative. There was no question, as long as Hinata believed it, you were going to be okay. _If Hinata believed that to be true that outweighed your own belief that you were both presently not, nor would you ever be okay._

The figure in the background walks closer to your bed to stand beside Hinata and you see bright pink hair. Souda is still holding the unused defibrillator in his arms.

“Some help I am,” he says, giving Hinata a playful hit with the machine. “What was that? SHSL Doctor? Lifeguard? Dude, are you a SHSL Defibrillator? Can you be objects?” He’s looking at you, although clearly addressing Hinata. You can’t characterize the look Souda is giving you, a weird mix between fear and pity, as if he isn’t sure if you’re going to attack him or keel over. _Worry maybe, but there’s no reason for him to worry about someone like you_. His words make less sense, but when Hinata replies with a laugh you figure it’s just Souda’s usual nonsense.

“I told you, it doesn’t work that way! And of course I can’t be objects now that’s just silly.” Hinata removes his hand from your face to turn his body to give a joking glare to Souda. They’re both smiling now and you’re still in the dark to what they could be talking about.

“Well, congratulations Mr. Kamukura, you saved all 14 of your not-really classmates,” Souda says, finally putting the defibrillator down. You begin to hear Hinata arguing with him, something about only saving 14 out of 15, but their words are lost to you.

Kamukura. The name brings a rush of incomplete memories. A quick embrace followed by a loud bang (bringing you back to the red-eyed Hinata), a cold chain against your throat as you carry an unknown weight on your back, the dark, long hair of a man who mentions he likes boats. Snippets of the past, and you’re pretty sure that this time, these are real memories. _They carry the same misfortune and despair that you’re used to your memories having._

You’re not sure if it’s simply due to your poor health, the sensory processing overload, or if it’s the sudden influx of odd memories on top of the conclusions you’ve already began to draw from Souda and Hinata’s conversation that your mind couldn’t handle, but their voices become distance and your world goes black.

You’re glad that this time you only see Hinata and the pain in your chest is absent before you go under.

* * *

When you wake, neither Hinata or Souda is in sight. You’re alone and in a different, much brighter, room. Sunlight streams in from a window over the bed and light bounces off of the room’s white walls.

Your body moves freely with little resistance and as you look around, and you conclude that you’re still in some sort of hospital. The resemblance to the room you stayed in while you were under the despair disease is noticeable, but after years of going in and out of hospitals, they all melt together. Clean sheets, white walls and floors, an uncomfortable sense of sterilization, all hospital rooms were composed of this.

On the end table beside your bed there is a vase filled with a bouquet of flowers just beginning to wilt. Their colours attempt to make the room feel more homely, but between the three bottles of medicine sitting beside the vase and a machine displaying your slow, steady, and still weak heart rate their affect is lost. Your eyes wonder back to the medicine and like an impulse, your mind is full of self destructive thoughts, but even if you listened to your suicidal brain you wouldn’t be able to open the child-locked lids with just one hand. _How useless do you have to be to not even be able to kill yourself?_

Intrusive thoughts aside, your brain is still more fuzzy than usual, and you have to question if your memory of Hinata performing CPR on you even happened. For all you know you’re here because of some dementia-induced episode. That would explain the lapse in cognition, but it wouldn’t explain the missing limb (Unless of course, you had completely blocked the true memory of why you had no left hand, which might not be as unlikely as one would think).

Where your hand, (and for what you can remember) and where someone else’s hand, once was, was still nothing but a stubby elbow. The redness around the new line of stitches has subsided and is as unhealthily pale and dull as the rest of you. It’s healing, and you smile at the notion. Healing wasn’t something you did often.

You didn’t hear footsteps or the door opening, but you see the movement out of the corner of your eyes, and turn to see Hinata. He’s holding a small bouquet, not unlike the one presently in your vase. When he sees you’re awake he smiles that comforting smile of his, then looks down at the flowers. His shoulders tense and he awkwardly holds them out for you, his confidence lost but the gesture still provides you with comfort.

“I uh, I got these for you. The ones I put in here last week are beginning to droop, and I know how you like pretty things and I uh, wanted you to have something pretty to look at when you woke up again,” he nervously explains, as if he was caught doing something wrong. _You must have manipulated him into acting this way._ The only thing you see wrong in this situation is that Hinata is willingly caring for you, a feat you only imagined in your happiest dreams.Over your last periods of consciousness, confidently defining any of them as reality or a dream was impossible but the warmth you feel when Hinata sits on the edge of your bed is at least real in this moment, and you’re not going to question that.

He’s still holding the flowers in one hand, while the other reaches for your shoulder, but he retracts before making contact. _He’s come to his senses, he recognizes how disgusting you are._

“I’m sorry Komaeda, this is probably all confusing for you, and here I am rambling about flowers.” There’s a pause and you’re not sure if you should fill the silence with affirmation that you are confused, or if you should reassure him that he’s not rambling, or even tell him that he shouldn’t be worrying himself over someone like you. _Say the last one._ You stay silent instead and wait for him to continue.

“This will be my fourteenth time explaining and it still doesn’t feel any easier,” Hinata says, mostly to himself, but you heed it as a waring for what Hinata is about to explain. Hinata stands and replaces the old bouquet with the new one, throwing the old one into a small waste bin in the corner. He pauses again before returning to sit on the edge of your bed. You’re more or less sitting up now and can look Hinata in the eye, but instead of seeing the dual colours that you saw before, they’re both his normal hazel.

When Hinata gave you CPR, that had happened, right? Yet there was no sign of a red left eye on the Hinata sitting in front of you. As if this final uncertainty had pushed you to your limit, you felt a headache spread through the front of your brain. _You’re crazy. You’re crazy. Absolutely crazy._ You start to bring your hands to your face to rub at the affect areas, but stop when only one hand meets your head. _How could you forget already?_

“I guess that would be a good place to start,” Hinata says, giving a nod to your left arm. “Do you remember what happened?” It’s an ambiguous question, he isn’t asking for specifics and you figure a quick “yes” would be sufficient. You’re thankful for that as you still can’t recall exactly why you did it, why you would desire to have a part of her so close to you.

“I cut my own arm off and replaced it with her’s,” you tell Hinata that and he nods. No need to specify who the “her” was. _The one you couldn’t stop, and instead helped._ As expected, he doesn’t push forward with an interrogation for details or and doesn’t ask how it makes you feel like a psychologist would.

“You and Tsumiki were the only ones who could remember her without prompt. I don’t care what your medical records say, you have a strong memory,” he says with a laugh. You smile along with him before realizing what he’s referring to. If your memories of the island weren’t false, you had told him about your dementia and failing brain, but at the last second wrote it off as a lie. _He knows you’re a liar now, he’ll know to never believe a word you say._ At the time you had reasoned that you didn’t need someone as wonderful as Hinata spending any time worrying over a lost cause like you. After a second you wonder if that’s all that was happening now. Is that why he gave you flowers, and acted nervous before? _Of course, it is the only logical explanation for his actions._

“About that, Hinata-kun, d-don’t worry I-” _Get him out of your issues, don’t let him get too caught up in your misery._

“Komaeda, you don’t need to explain yourself right now. I’m the one who’s supposed to be giving you answers, and I’ve been stalling long enough,” he cuts you off, placing a hand above your right wrist and giving a comforting squeeze. He doesn’t give you time to argue. “If I’m going too fast, or you need time to process what I’m saying just let know,” he says along with another squeeze and a smile.

After a wordless nod from you, he begins explaining The Worst, Most Despair Inducing Incident of Mankind. The events he explains live up to the extravagant title and you try to remember those events happening, create a timeline to follow. He doesn’t ask you many questions, but would sometimes pause until you nodded or gave some sign that you were still following what he was saying. Believing what Hinata said wasn’t difficult for you, despite how unbelievable the horrors he was describing might be to some, this wasn’t the fist time you’ve found yourself in a hospital bed listening to someone explain something that should be impossible. Mass suicides, riots, and your classmates becoming serial killers wasn’t anymore farfetched than becoming an orphan after being the sole survivor a plane crash that was struck down by a meteorite while it was being hijacked by terrorists after all.

The Neo World Program was a tougher subject to comprehend. Hinata had asked a few question to start his explanation, and much like before, they were simple and vague. He had mentioned that he had explained this thirteen times before, once to each of your classmates (save for one), and you figured he had asked the same thing to everyone. _You weren’t special to him, just another number he had the displeasure of helping._

You were being rehabilitated, he explained, by the Future Foundation in an attempt to weaken the side of Despair and gain vital numbers for the side of Hope. The mutual killing wasn’t part of their plan, and they thought the whole operation would be a bust, but no one has awakened from the simulation with the same desire to cause the world despair, so it wasn’t a complete waste. Apparently your classmates did bond over murdering one another. The notion sounds much more reasonable coming from Hinata compared to when you used to say it while on the island, and you swallow your pride and don’t mention that you had been saying that from the beginning. _After all you’ve done, you didn’t deserve to feel pride._

Currently you were on the real Jabberwock Island. You were the last to wake up from the Neo World Program, but all things considered, your recovery was the least likely. When he says that, you’re not sure if he’s referring to either of your terminal conditions or if maybe how you died in the simulation affected this, but it doesn’t really matter so you don’t ask for clarification.

With the general information out of the way, Hinata asked if you wanted an explanation to what happened to you specifically when you fell into despair. He wouldn’t judge you if you didn’t want to know, or if you were already feeling overwhelmed. Neither of those things were true for you so you asked him to continue. He nodded but paused, as if searching for the right way to word his questions.

“Komaeda, what exactly do you remember? Even just small memories, I’d like to know anything that you can recall from when you first met Enoshima to when we entered the Neo World Program.”

Although you’re still not sure about the credibility of your memory, you recount what you know. You start with your more recent memories. Hinata didn’t look at you oddly when you mentioned being on a boat, if anything he looked as if he was thinking about something distantly, but doesn’t say anything. You leave the other man out of the moment, and you want to be confident before you mention him. Hinata also didn’t bat an eye when you claimed to have raised a child, or when another child threw pastries at you for being unable to shell chestnuts.

“They, there was five of them, had an agenda against the adults. I don’t know the details, and I don’t know if I ever knew, but Hinata,” you pause for a moment, racking your brain for a contradiction that would prevent you from saying your next statement, but you find nothing.

“Hinata I don’t think I actually fell into despair.” It was a heavy claim, that you were distancing yourself from the others. Like you were someone who could be forgiven. You didn’t want to look as if you weren’t as responsible as the others, you just wanted to clear your own conscious. Hinata doesn’t react in a negative way, and just nods.

“Although all reports do claim you were helping the Warriors of Hope with their rebellion, most note that you had alternate motives. It also helps your cause that you were the only one of the SHSL Despairs who joined the Neo World Program willingly, and actually quite eagerly at that.” He smiles and you smile at the confirmation. As you look at him, you notice something off about his left eye. The hazel iris had a thin crescent of red hugging its left side. Huh. You hadn’t previously pegged Hinata as a cosplayer but with a classmate under the title of SHSL Imposter, a coloured contact wouldn’t be too difficult to come across. The off-centered contact provided just enough confidence for you to mention your next point.

“You,” you say, pointing at him with your right hand. You then form a finger gun and aim it at your chest, bending your thumb like the trigger was pulled. “You shot me.” Hinata looks confused for a second, but then smiles with an oddly placed sense of pride.

“You’re not supposed to be able to remember that. I wasn’t able to remember that without someone telling me. That happened before you were brainwashed, and your memory of that was specifically erased before Hope’s Peak officially fell. It’s amazing that you can recall that without a prompt!” Hinata says beaming at your feat. You can’t help but blush at the praise, but what you truly take away is that Hinata confirmed that the dark-haired man, the one with eyes similar to the one Hinata had had previously, was him.

“It wasn’t completely without prompt, you know,” he looks at you and his eyes go distant, as if he was analyzing his explanations from earlier for something that would have triggered the memory. “Souda helped. He called you Kamukura when we were in the other room.” The confession of the discredit didn’t diminish Hinata’s pride, but instead he perked up more.

“I told him you reached full conciousness then! This means you were officially up a week earlier than anticipated!” You weren’t sure why that was such a good thing, but you were now curious over the whole ordeal, especially now that you were sure that it had actually happened.

“What were you two, uh, doing to me?” You don’t specifically mention the mouth-to-mouth part, and you don’t just want the explanation for that, but you can’t help but word your question awkwardly. _Typical for someone who’s as incapable as you._

“We removed your, well, her arm,” Hinata said, not missing a beat as he reached over your body to rub your left shoulder. “It wasn’t connected well, but the make shift stitches that were there previously didn’t help the actual wounds from where your arm was cut, but they did leave behind some nasty scars that healed wrong. Don’t worry, with what I did everything should heal properly this time around.” He gives a pause as you move your arm, in an attempt to see his handy work, but much like licking the end of you elbow was difficult, seeing the end was impossible. After you’re done shifting around he continues his explanation.

“So I removed your arm, stitched you back up and Souda took some measurements for a prosthetic. We weren’t planning on you waking up and you weren’t supposed to wake up for a while, but when you did, you weren’t breathing so I gave you CPR. After that you slipped back into unconsciousness, but your brain was independently active enough to move you from the pod to here.” His explanation is methodical and professional and lacking a tone that would mirror how hectic the event actually was. When he’s done, you have just one question left.

“When did you become a SHSL Doctor?”

“Oh,” he’s appears to be more confused after that question than anything you previously said. “You remembered Kamukura, so I figured you would remember that.” _You messed up._ Looking back, you couldn’t remember what talent Kamukura was, but something as professional and advanced as a doctor made sense.

“Sorry. You know after talking to you I thought my assumption of a SHSL therapist was correct,” you say quietly. Before you could express your gratitude fully he cuts you off.

“No, I am,” it was said calmly with the slightest bit of smugness. Confused you began to reason with that he said. Therapists were doctors after all, but talents usually weren’t that broad.

“You just said you were- ”

“I’m both,” he cut you off again, the smug tone more prominent this time, but he’s still smiling and you can’t help but be impressed.

“You have two separate talents! You’re truly a special bearer of hope!” Hinata laughs and between chuckles mutters something about you being the same as ever, but he doesn’t stop there.

“Well, among others, yes.” He could have more talents? He doesn’t immediately list what they are, so you take the opportunity to guess.

“SHSL Flower Arranger?” you ask, eyeing the flowers he brought for you. Not a single petal was out of place in the bouquet and each plant was in the peak of its bloom. He replies with a nod. “SHSL Gardener?” bares another nod. You look around the room and lose inspiration but question him with the first talent that comes to mind.

“SHSL Luck.” _How could you even begin to believe someone as great as him would have a talent as worthless as one appointed to you?_

“Don’t get jealous now,” another laughing nod accompanying the statement.

“Do you have every talent?” You ask, only half joking. You always knew Hinata was special, that the hope he gave you and practically radiated off of his body wasn’t misplaced. If anyone was capable of mastering every talent known to humankind it was Hinata.

“More or less,” he shrugs, and there’s something else you think he wants to say, but he stays silent. You’re both smiling and you hope he knows how difficult it is to contain yourself. Your body is more than thankful you have at least some willpower over the talent fanboy side of your brain. _Don’t act as if he doesn’t know how creepy and gross you are._ You allow yourself to move your hand on Hinata’s shoulder this time, and you’re plainly giddy over the fact that Hinata is a SHSL Doctor, Therapist, Gardner, Lucky Student… You suppose you could list talents forever and only just break the skin of Hinata’s abilities.

“Reciting your full title must be a talent in itself.” It’s said as a joke and you don’t expect an answer, but Hinatas smile fades and the feeling as if he wants to say one more thing is back.

“Well, it does condense quite nicely,” his voice isn’t above a whisper. You give him a questioning look but do nothing but hold your breath and allow for him to explain what he means.

“You have to promise not to overreact, I don’t think your body could handle another cardiorespiratory episode, but my official title,” he exhales a final time before looking in to your eyes. You didn’t remember seeing him remove the contact from his left eye (you suppose it was being nothing more than an irritation at this point), but one hazel and one red eye meets your own.

“I’m the SHSL Hope.”

* * *

After Hinata dropped that information on you, you followed his wish of not having another episode of any sort, but you couldn’t contain yourself or your giddiness. Not being able to form coherent sentences left you only with holding on to Hinata’s shoulder as your body was practically vibrating from happiness.

Once you’ve calmed down to just having a gigantic smile on your face, Hinata stands up. He repeats his earlier statement, this time directly to you, that you were still the same old Komaeda and surprisingly, he follows this by thanking you for not changing. The sincerity in his voice is accompanied by a small undertone of sorrow, but you’re unsure what could have caused that. He hadn’t explained anything about the state of your other classmates, so maybe the answer laid there, but before you can ask, he tells you that you should get some rest.

“This is your first real time being up in months, and I don’t want you to strain yourself anymore than you have to,” he says picking the medicine bottles off of the end tables. Instead of giving any to you, he takes them with him as he heads for the door.

“I’ll tell Hanamura to make you some food and someone will deliver it later,” he holds up a single pill bottle. “Once you have eaten they’ll give you one of these. If you need help before then, there’s a call button on the heart monitor, and someone will be here right away.”

The door closes and even though you’re alone again, you still feel the warmth that Hinata had provided you with, his caring words and comforting holds had imprinted themselves in you mind. How truly lucky you are, that someone like Hinata is caring for you. _He said he did this with everyone, you’re nothing special._

The hospital gown you were wearing was just like the one you had worn before, which given you were at the same hospital (albeit a physical version), made sense. Both of the sleeves were rolled up, as to let an IV run through your right arm and so your left arm wouldn’t be drowning in the extra fabric.

You take the time to examine your body a little more thoroughly. Compared to what you could see when Hinata was operating on you, you did look a little healthier. There was less white and grey and more colour in your skin tone, but your bones still pressed your skin too thinly for anyone to consider healthy. You were no where near the state you were in while in the Neo World Program, and even that was no where near what a proper body looked like.

There’s no scars on your arms, torso or legs from when you tortured yourself, and you’re not sure if you prefer that they didn’t carry over into the physical world or if you feel discredited. _Normal people wouldn’t want reminders that they tried to kill themself._ There are two identical scars on your thighs, but they’re old and you remember when you got those, so they don’t cause concern.

You begin to wonder where your regular clothes went, when the door opens. Inside steps Sonia, carrying a small tray and carrying herself with the same sense of regal dignity that you’re used to.

“Good afternoon Komaeda! Although, I’m sure it feels like the morning after you’ve had an endless sleep, so good morning!” She smiles and places the tray on you lap. There’s a small bowl of soup, mainly consisting of broth with a few chopped vegetables, some slices of toast, and a glass of water.

“This will be your first time consuming actual food in a few months, so it’s a little plain, but fret not! In a few days you’ll be back to eating all your favourite meals!” The determination and hope you see in her eyes prevents you from telling her that you usually ate something along the lines of the meal before you. Despite its plain appearance, the soup is full of flavour and the two pieces of toast are a perfect texture in your mouth. _You didn’t deserve food this good._ Nothing short of the work of a SHSL Cook you suppose.

You thank Sonia and she explains that she’s just happy that after years of being served breakfast in bed, she’s been given the opportunity to return the favour. She doesn’t stick around for long, but hands you a small cup with a single capsule in it, and instructs you to take that before you fall asleep again. You do so as she walks out the door and you finish eating.

_SHSL Hope._ The thought still prominent in your mind, how could it not? The person who you admired from the beginning, who you almost confessed your undying love for before you caught yourself, is your fantasized Ultimate Hope. _The bad luck that will come from the good luck of being acquainted with such a person would hit you hard._

You think back to the conversation where you had almost expressed your true feelings for Hinata. He mentioned that he now knew you hadn’t been lying about your illnesses, and you would have been foolish to believe he didn’t know, what with all the medical attention he’s been giving you. It made you sad, that someone as great as him would be worrying over someone like you. _That’s what is happening now. He pities you, that’s where his care is rooted, nothing more_. You are thankful that he didn’t ask why you had lied about your illnesses earlier, but you’re much more grateful over him not mentioning your love confession.

“The hope that sleeps within you,” was what you had opted in instead of “you” during the confession. Your word choice strikes you as ridiculously fitting, given Hinata’s talent. It’s as if your quick thinking conscious was aware of Kamukura the whole time without your knowledge. You still don’t know much of the origin of Kamukura, other than he was still Hinata with just a different name and a different look. From the encounters you remember, you think he was quieter and more intimidating than the Hinata you’re used to, both from your time in the simulation and from what you’ve seen since you’ve woken up. Your mind goes to your first encounter with Kamukura.

Before Kamukura had tested your luck, he held you in a quick embrace. It was, of course, to just get the gun out of your hands, but the few seconds his hand was on your hips and mouth whispering in your ear your world had slowed. You remember feeling the unexplainable affection towards him before you registered that you hadn’t been shot through the heart, although your own mortality never struck you as something important so that wasn’t saying much. _If you were fortunate enough for someone like Kamukura to take the time to end your life, you would have been extremely thankful._

What you felt to Kamukura at the time was a more intense version of the feeling you felt around Hinata while one Jabberwock Island, and if you were honest with yourself, the feelings you still presently felt towards Hinata. _You didn’t deserve his affection. He’ll never think of you like that. You don’t deserve to even entertain these feelings._

Although you did bail out of the conclusion to your love confession on the island, preceding your statement with “from the bottom of my heart, please know that I am deeply in love with…” wasn’t much of a save. Of course, Hinata had been leaving and there’s a small chance that he hadn’t heard you, but your luck wouldn’t cover something as powerful as this. _Stop thinking about him, he’ll never truly care for you._ It’s more likely than not that he was well aware of your feelings, and you’re not sure how to feel about that.

You look out the window beside your bed and you see the beach of the island. As you focus on the sound of the waves and their constant motions, you feel your mind clear. Your thoughts had never worked for your favour and sometimes you just needed to stop thinking. Convincing yourself to ignore their words, especially since you knew everything that they said was true, was a feat you simply couldn’t do all the time. After years of practise you were often able to interpret them as nothing more than white noise, and were able to not directly react to what your conscious’ observations had to say, but you still heard them. You still considered their meaning and repressed and never disagreed or forgot. You knew it was an unhealthy practice, but it’s how you operated.

You were in love with Hinata, no use in denying that. _He’ll never lo-_ He’ll never think of you that way, yes, you knew this. You knew no one as wonderful as Hinata could feel the same affection you felt for him to you. And yet, there was a time when you knew you were going to die before you finished your second year at Hope’s Peak. There was a time when you were going to be killed for not having anyone to pay your ransom. Your luck had worked in mysterious ways then, and who’s to say it wouldn’t help now?

Your thoughts had nothing to say to that and you’re thankful for the silence.

You’re focusing on the sound of the waves and nodding off when you think about your last actions in the simulation. Had it actually been for nothing? You wanted to eradicate despair, and with you and your classmates rehabilitation underway you believe that yes, this had been achieved. Of course, you can’t take the full credit. The future foundation and Hinata are mostly responsible.

Hinata’s in your mind again, and you allow yourself to think of his comforting smile, how he forgave you and even praised you, and how he squeezed your hand as you fall asleep. You know you didn’t deserve him but you couldn’t help yourself, and not even your own intrusive thoughts could keep the hope he gave you out of your heart.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh boy. I might write a part 2 to this, one where it's generally happier and Komaeda and Hinata get together, but until then I hope you enjoyed my 8000+ words of Komaeda Character Study™.


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